Publishing Web for Students' Final Papers
Publishing Web for Students' Final Papers |
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From: Deborah Ingram
Email: deborah@cats.ucsc.edu
Course: Psychology 100G; Diversity in Development
College: UC Santa Cruz
Instructor: Eugene Matusov
ClassWeb: http://www.ematusov.com/psych100G
ChildrenObservations: Yes
Date: 12 Dec 1996
Time: 17:49:26
Remote Name: ss1mac-10.ucsc.edu
In this paper I observed children in a naturalistic setting in an afterschool program. It was my intention to show how girl's and boy's communication patterns differ from each other. Three groupings were studied; girls communicating with girls, boys communicating with boys, and girls and boys communicating together. It was found that diversity patterns in speech style that are observed in adult conversations, are already firmly entrenched in young children's speech patterns. These diverse communication patterns caused problems in cross-sexed communication. Finally, I offer possible solutions to these problems in the conclusion.
CHILDHOOD REFLECTING ADULT COMMUNICATIONS
I found observing children in an after school program to be not only delightful, but also eye opening. These little ones were using communication rules that followed adult gender communication patterns with little to no variation. It is my belief that through socialization processes, diversity in communication patterns are established in boys and girls, and that these patterns persist into adulthood. I realized that the socialization of these children into gendered communication patterns must start very early (before school age), because the patterns were firmly entrenched in these children. Without exception, the children used the same typoe of speech that their elder counterparts use in American society.
METHODS
I observed five to seven year-olds at an after school program in Carmel Valley, California. I chose to focus on groups of children for periods of approximately forty-five minutes each and then I would move on to a new group. I was in this way that I obtained approximate transcripts of their conversations. The results are essentially communication "snapshots" of the children involved.
MONICA AND ALEX: CROSS-SEXED INTERACTION
The first group I observed contained a girl and a boy who were playing the game of "Clue." The girl was later identified as Monica, and the boy as Alex. I observed that Monica sat in her chair for the entirety of the game. She also arranged her cards neatly in front of her. Alex sat infrequently for most of the game, and was agitated. The following is an approximaiton of the communication that took place during the game (it was well under way when I sat down to observe):
Alex- "It's your turn." Monica hides her cards. Alex- "What'd you get?" Monica is silent and still hides her cards. Monica- ". . .I got a spider." Alex- "No you didn't! I had the spider!" Monica- (quietly) "I'm winning." Alex- "Stop!" Monica- "Go, it's your turn." Alex- "I'm gonna win!"
The preceding dialogue provides an excellent example of gendered communication. Monica clearly was interested in playing with Alex. Alex seemed happy playing with Monica, and playing alone. Alex was more vocal than Monica, speaking longer and with more volume. Alex was more assertive in the game, while Monica seemed to want to diffuse that assertiveness in an attempt to keep the rapport going. This is evidenced when she quietly states that she is winning. Alex is upset with this declaration and orders her to "Stop!" Monica doesn't repeat that she's winning, and ignores Alex when he yells that he's going to win. For girls, it is continuing communication that's important, not who is actually winning. For boys, who is winning is extremely important. Winning proves competence and dominance, traits valued by boys (and men).
According to Wood (1993), The patterns of play show the results of different rules for the socialization of girls and boys. For boys, his status depends on being better, standing out, and often dominating others.
Boy's games cultivate three communicaiton rules:
Girl's games teach three basic rules for communication
Monica and Alex were adhering to the principles of play outlined in Wood's book. Monica was distressed when Alex didn't want to play anymore. She said "We have to play." She is also sad when Alex chose to play by himself. Girls are socialized to value connection, while boys are socialized to value autonomy. Both Alex and Monica followed these patterns throughout the game.
CODY, SAM, AND BEN: MALE INTERACTION
For my next group observation, I moved to the playground outside. I observed three boys, Cody, Sam, and Ben, kicking a ball back and forth. There was little verbal interaction; the play was primarily physical in nature. The following is what took place: Cody and Ben are kicking the ball back and forth. Sam joins and tackles Ben. Then Sam runs to Cody and pushes him out of the way so he and Ben can kick the ball back and forth. Sam then runs to the middle of the game and dances wildly around, blocking the progress of the ball. Cody then walks over to Ben and tells him a joke. Sam joins them and tells one of his jokes. The boys are laughing loudly, holding their stomachs. Sam and Cody leave Ben to go hear a story from David, one of the instructors. They listen for approximately thirty seconds and then Sam throws sand on David. Sam is verbally disciplined and asked to brush the sand off of David's sleeves. Sam does so and then leaves to rejoin Ben for the ball game previously played. Cody also rejoins two minutes later. Cody hits Sam over the head with the ball and all three boys fall to the ground in an affectionate tangle. Ben holds Cody. Ben- "This is my Teddy Bear." Ben tickles Cody. Sam says that he can see Cody's underwear, and all three laugh hysterically.
Throughout their play there is little verbal communication. For boys, the comraderie they share is obtained through physical play. There are also patterns of domination. Sam is the most aggressive of the boys and tries to dominate the play through interruption. He also seeks to be in control of the game and therefore "center stage." All of Sam's interruptions are tolerated in a good-natured way. Sam even challenged the teacher for center stage when he threw sand on David's jacket. Again, this is what boys are socialized to do. To have everyone's attention, whether it is positive or negative, is to have power.
For boys, the physical act of play is a way to bond with each other. Tackling, pushing and wrestling are socially sanctioned ways for boys to touch. For Sam, Cody, and Ben, this type of touching was done in a good natured way and served to bring the boys closer. Joke telling is also an important element in boy's play. By telling jokes, the boys competed for center stage. Joking also implies a one-up position. In order to joke, one must have something to joke about, and in boys' play, joking is almost exclusively about putting someone else down. When a joke is laughed at by the rest of the group, it establishes and reinforces ingroup behavior. Even as adult men, this pattern of communication is still strong.
GIRL 1, GIRL 2, MELODY, TIANA, AND MIA: FEMALE INTERACTION
My next observation was of five girls playing outside. The instructor, David, takes the girls over to the bars where they all scramble to the top. David is going to tell them a story as soon as they are settled. The five girls took eleven minutes negotiating who would sit where:
Girl 1- "Melody, please let me go by." Tiana- "Melody, move up." Melody- "I already told you Tiana, I'm trying to get to this bar." Tiana- "Are you ready?" Girl 2- "Melody, are you ready?" Tiana- "Hey, (girl 1) are you ready yet?" Girl 1- "No, Melody isn't moving." Girl 2- "Wait! Now I can't see."
One of the girls playfully reaches down and takes David's hat off. All of the girls laugh. David says, "No story until I get my hat back." It is returned promptly.
Mia- "I miss my mommy."
One of the girls pats her on the back (Mia is the youngest and I notice that she is "mothered" throughout the day). David starts his story. As part of his story, David askes the girls "Would you choose a long life that wasn't very interesting, or a short and exciting life?" All of the girls pick a long and boring life except for Tiana. Throughout the day I also noticed that Tiana's preference for playmates seemed to be split evenly between the boys and the girls.
This brief interaction is a good illustration of girls' communication patterns. Negotiations are a prominant feature of girls' play speech. Negotiations are crucial if one wants to keep the communication lines open that are so important to girls. For girls, relationships are more important than who comes out ahead. Negotiations, compromise, and tolerance are extremely important communication tools and are fostered in the girls through socialization. Mothering behavior is also prominent in the girls' play. The girls tended to offer comfort and support to those who were younger than themselves. I noted over and over again that the bigger girls tended to the needs of the younger girls.
I found it interesting that the girls picked a long and boring life. I confirms the hypothesis the girls, and women, tend to be attracted to stability. I can only hypothesize that the boys would have picked a short and exciting life as Tiana did. Noteably, Tiana and Monica were the only girls who interacted with the boys in a comfortable and consistent manner.
DISCUSSION
All in all, I observed that the girls and the boys played in distinct gender groupings. The boys were more aggressive, loud and physical than the girl's groups. The boys used joking, interruption (both physical and verbal), and loud voices to establish center stage. They also used aggressive physical contact with each other to establish rapport. All of these behaviors are accepted forms of communication for boys.
The boys' groups seemed concerned and upset if one of the other boys accused them of being "a girl." The boys' behavioral boundaries were quite strict. I didn't observe any of the boys singly interacting with a group of girls. Conversly, the girls' behvioral boundaries were looser. They singly or in pairs approached the boys' groups to interact. This confirms the hypothesis that it is more socially acceptable for girls to behave like boys, than it is for boys to behave like girls.
The girls used communication to reinforce rapport with each other. They rarely interrupted each other and were extremely concerned with "fairness." Mothering behavior was observed throughout the day. The older girls mothered the younger girls, and the younger girls mothered dolls in the "house area." A lot of the girls play involved cooking, cleaning, being the mommy, and shopping. Throughtout their play, communication flowed backed and forth. There was rarely any silence. This was not true for any of the boys' play groups.
CONCLUSIONS
The children's play reflects the larger world of which they are a part. Men and women frequently complain that the other sex doesn't understand them. This happens because as children we learn distinctly different communication styles through the socialization process. Men find women frustratingly talkative, and women find men insensitive. Men want to "fix" the problem, and women want to explore the problem.
Men bod with other men by joking, putting down, and by being physically aggressive with them. If a man tries this strategy with a woman, he is likely to end up being called an insensitive jerk. Women bond with other women through lengthy discussions in which sensitivity and support are expressed. If a woman speaks to a man in this manner, he is likely to think that she feels sorry for him. This is an insult to men who feel that competency is akin to masculinity. Both parties walk away from interactions feeling hurt and confused.
It's no wonder that men and women are confused when it comes to communicating with the other sex. We are socialized at very young ages to communicate in two distinctly different ways. I feel the answer to this dilemma is to encourage more cross-sexed play and behaviors at a very young age. It is also important to have cross-sexed behavior modeled and encouraged in the home. It is in this way that the communicaiton gap between men and women can be narrowed and someday eradicated.
