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From: May Sarmac
Email: nutshell@cats.ucsc.edu
Course: Psychology 100G: Issues of Diversity In
Developmental Psychology
College: University of California, Santa Cruz
Instructor: Eugene Matusov, Ph.D
ClassWeb: http://www.ematusov.com/psych100G
ChildrenObservations: No
Date: 13 Dec 1996
Time: 13:56:28
Remote Name: mingong-mac-16.ucsc.edu
Rationality is the ability to logically justify one's actions or thoughts and it develops over time. The development of rationality occurs in conjunction with other developments in psychology; such developments are cognition and moral. The tools and information presented to an individual is shaped by the values, ideals and norms of the society and culture they live in. Behaviors of an individual may not make sense to others, but it makes sense to that individual. Though this individual's behaviors does not make sense to others, it does not mean that that individual is irrational because everyone is rational, though the tools and interpretations of information presented to him/her differs across individuals. This paper will give an example of how certain behavior makes sense to certain individuals, but not to others. To demonstrate how this is so, children of alcoholics will be focused on.
It was stated earlier that rationality exists in all individuals. Information that one acquires is processed and interpreted differently; the tools that one uses to interpret or process information also varies across individuals. This is due to the sociocultural factors influences and sets guidelines for individual's behaviors. Since the interpretation of information varies among people, their actions and behaviors make sense to them, though it may not make sense to others. In this portion of the paper written by Choeng, McKay, Muzi and Sarmac, I will give an example of how certain behaviors may make sense to only certain individuals, but not to others. My focus will be on children of alcoholics and how the roles they adopt to cope with a parent's alcoholism makes sense to them, but it may not make sense to children of nonalocholics.
Alcoholic families are different from other families in that they are inconsistent and unpredictable (Black, 1981; Haskell, 1993). Members of alcoholic families do things to form some kind of consistency and order in their lives and to alleviate the chaos that alcoholism brings. Because of the inconsistency in their family lives, children of alcoholics become insecure (Deustch, 1982). They come from homes where emotions are restrained and unshared; when emotions are expressed, they are judgmental and places blame on other family members (Black, 1981). Interaction within the alcoholic family is characterized by aggression and conflict (Haskell, 1993). When problems arise, there is no communication, therefore problems are ignored. This insecurity becomes a way of life for these children; when order is established in their environments, they live in doubt and prepare for the worst. There is little or no cooperation in these families; when there is cooperation, it is usually when members of a family turns against other members (Black, 1981; Haskell, 1993).
Alcoholic parents become preoccupied with themselves and drinking, leaving their children to care for themselves. Children of alcoholics cannot depend on their parents for physical nor emotional needs, so they take on roles that children of nonalcoholic backgrounds would not normally take as a means of their own survival (Black, 1981; Deustch, 1982; Haskell, 1993). There is a role confusion that exists within parental and child responsibility (Haskell, 1993) because it is the child(ren) who manage the home and familial responsibilities when a parent is drinking.
Children of alcoholics internalize the characteristics, behaviors and environment associated with alcoholism because they are raised in alcoholic homes. As a reaction to their parent's alcoholism, children adopt principal roles (Black, 1981; Deustch, 1982; Haskell, 1993). Black (1981) refers to the role that the oldest or only child takes as "the very responsible role". Deustch (1982) and Haskell (1993) refer to this role as "the family hero". Here, the child takes care of the family and his/her siblings. Being the very responsible child or hero provides comfort and stability to the child because it brings consistency and a sense of control and order to his/her life.
The child who takes the role of the scapegoat or acting-out is the one who expresses family members' feelings and is usually the second child (Black, 1981; Deustch, 1982; Haskell, 1993). The scapegoat identifies with the alcoholic parent and learns that "if he causes trouble, shrinks responsibility, and upsets people, he gets attention and care" (Deustch, 1982). For the acting-out child/scapegoat, it is easier for the parents to put their focus on him/her than it is for the child to put the focus on the parent(s). This child misbehaves as a means of communicating his feelings to adults and as a means of reaching out for help and affection (Black, 1981). The optimism of the scapegoat is that if s/he gets into enough trouble, the drinking will stop and the family will come together to help her/him.
The role of the adjuster is one who simply adjusts to the environment of his/her alcoholic family (Black, 1981). This child feels helpless to do anything about the situation (Haskell, 1993). S/he keeps out of the way of everyone and is seen less often than the other children. Similarly, the lost child withdraws from the family and conflict for self-protection (Deustch, 1982; Haskell, 1993).
The youngest child is mainly the placater (Black, 1981; Deustch, 1982). This is the child that tries to bring comfort to family members by easing pain and tension. The placater is the first to apologize for bad situations, though the fault is not theirs. These children find comfort in pleasing others; they focus their attention on others to hide their own pain of their reality.
Children of alcoholics are more likely to have relationships with alcoholics, rather than become one. By being raised in an alcoholic family, children internalize the characteristics and consequences to a point where it is a way of life for them. The roles that these children take may develop to be their function in their adult lives. Since they took responsibility for themselves, their siblings and parents, children of alcoholics may feel that caring for people, especially alcoholics, is their function in life. Children of alcoholics do not socialize like children of nonalcoholics because they are less attached to other people and society (Haskell, 1993). Children of nonalcoholics are taught to be sensitive toward others and how to belong to a group (Black, 1981).
Children of alcoholics are different from children of nonalcoholics. They take it upon themselves to adopt roles that help them cope with their parent's disease. However, these roles make sense to them because it gives them a sense of stability and consistency, factors they lack in their familial lives. They have internalized the lifestyle of an alcoholic family; the information presented to them is processed and interpreted differently from the information presented to children of nonalcoholics. Children from both groups share a common, universal goal: to find love and attention; their means of finding love and attention is diverse.
References
Black, C. (1981). "It will never happen to me!". New York: Ballantine Books.
Deustch, C. (1982). Broken bottles, broken dreams: understanding and helping the children of alcoholics. New York and London: Teachers College, Columbia University.
Haskell, R.E. (1993). Adult-child research and experience: personal and professional legacies of a dysfunctional co-dependent family. Norwood, New Jersey: Ablex Publishing Corporation.
Brandis, A. (1996). Adult Children of Alcoholics [On-line]. Available: http://home.navisoft.com/aapa/aca.htm
ATOD resource guide: child abuse (1996). [On-line]. Available: http://www.health.org/pubs/resguide/child.htm
