From: Gary Clarke
Email: gcdiskman@msn.com
Course: 02467: CD 169 Motivating Children and Adolescents in Educational Settings
College: San Jose State University
Instructor: Eugene Matusov
ClassWeb: http://www.ematusov.com/cd169
ChildrenObservations: No
Date: 22 May 1997
Time: 16:00:13
Remote Name: 1cust21.max16.san-francisco2.ca.ms.uu.net
Is it motivation, socialization or our inborn cognitive differences that cause men and women to choose their destinies in life. How do we know? Who can be sure? What is it that has made men and women so different throughout history? Why is it that even though we as a human race claim to be more educated and more informed than all the previous generations, that we still fall into the same mold and still have very distinct gender differences. Is it learned helplessness? Or is it that our innate differences cause us to be two totally different people, male and female, which in turn keeps us from becoming an androgynous society.
Yes, we are socialized to be a certain way, their should be no doubt in anyone’s mind about that. However, have we ever stopped to think that maybe the reason that we socialize ourselves to be the way that we are is out of necessity? Realizing our gender is one of the very first social categories that we acquire as children. Children acquire and demonstrate knowledge of sex-appropriate behavior between the ages of 2 and 3. By 3 or 4, children may criticize others for sex inappropriate behavior (Watson, Carol A. 1997). Research has shown that little girls in groups blend in, they learn to be sensitive to one anothers feelings, they avoid boasting, and that they are punished by exclusion when they are bossy. Girls are motivated to be in the "in" group; thus, they learn quickly to blend in or face being an outcast. Boys on the other hand are primarily concerned with dominance, and they are rewarded for being the boss. Boys groups are all about who is up, and who is down (Watson, Jackie Ph.D.). These behaviors continue on into adulthood, "Men are the people of the ladder, and women are the people of the circle." (Watson, Jackie Ph.D.). In an ABC Special News Report done by John Stossell, a test was done for both boys and girls. The boys were put into a room with only Barbie Dolls, and the girls were put into a room with only Tonka trucks. What took place was very interesting. The boys: After five minutes of not knowing quite what to do with the toys, the boys starting sword fighting with the dolls and running around the room with them and causing them to crash into walls. The girls: They never played with the Tonka trucks at all, the quickly formed a circle and began playing their own games, games that required communication, sharing and relating. No one told the boys to behave the way they did, and no one told the girls to behave the way that they did, they did it all on their own. These were children who were supposedly raised in a gender neutral environment at home.
Since the 1970’s, there has been a big push by the feminism movement to change the way that we socialize men and women. However, the problem with changing and redefining gender roles starts with men. Men have difficulty playing an androgynous role (Carole A. Martin; Karen K. Colbert 1997), they can not just switch, and this is due to the fact that men have not had any role models in this area (Helen Cannon Wiley 1997). In order for their to be any role models in this area, we would have to erase history and rewrite it. Men throughout history have defined their sense of self through their ability to achieve results. Moreover, men have been more interested in things, and objects rather than feelings and people (Gray, John Ph.D. 1992). Men are creatures of habit, programmed to be a certain way, driven by innate desires to be in control of themselves and their environment. Men socialize themselves to be the way that they are, men desire to be strong and powerful, it is inborn, it is an intrinsic motivator and value for them. Women are also creatures of habit, and they too socialize themselves to be the way that they are. A woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships with others. Women experience fulfillment through sharing and relating to others (Gray, John Ph.D.). Women can play an androgynous role, but, they do not get a sense of fulfillment out of playing such a role. Women throughout history have found fulfillment in their ability to be nurturing and caring. However, women only play an androgynous role when children are concerned. They play this role out of necessity when the male role model is not present in the relationship. Research on this matter shows that women prefer to play the role of caregiver and nurturer in a family setting because this is what they feel most comfortable with.
In the 90’s, many men have begun to give up their masculinity in order to be more loving and nurturing. Likewise, women have had to give up some of the feminine attributes in order to earn a living in a work force that rewards masculine attributes (Gray, John Ph.D.). Society has made great strides in narrowing the gender gap, and role models are gradually beginning to pop up for men and women to emulate. However, more and more feminists are claiming that society is not doing enough. Susan Faludi’s book "Backlash" is a perfect example of this. Susan Faludi writes "At the start of the 90’s, some forecaster’s – most of them advertisers and political publicists – began declaring that the next ten years was going to be ‘the Decade of the Woman.’ What they meant by this prognosis is was not entirely clear. Were they devining a real phenomenon or just coining another ‘trend’? Were they suggesting women wield more authority in the 90’s, or were they simply envisioning another nostalgia-drenched epoch in which women would adopt a softer, more ‘feminine’ pose?" This comes across as very negative and does not help the cause. So long as we continue to fight amongst each other, nothing will be accomplished. Remember, men and women are different, and we have been socializing ourselves to be the way that we are for more than two thousand years. Do we really expect to change ourselves in one decade. No, not until we can start embracing the notion that we are changing, it’s just not going to happen overnight. The same can be said about racism.
Nobody is completely immune to the cultural messages that we receive. Women are socialized to be thin and beautiful. Men are socialized to be strong and domineering. How far away is this from the truth of what we are as humans? Women have been socialized to be beautiful for well over two thousand years, and men have been socialized to be strong and domineering for well over two thousand years. Can it be said that what we have been learning and teaching ourselves for the past two thousand plus years is wrong, and totally not how we are. We as a human race know that we are different, we are different physically, mentally, chemically, & genetically. We are different, no matter how you look at. Instead of trying to change how we are, maybe we might want to motivate ourselves to embrace our differences and look for a way to successfully relate to one another and infuse ourselves with strength and confidence to achieve any goal we want regardless of our gender.
References:
Martin, Carole A., & Colbert, Karen K. (1997). Parenting: A Lifespan Perspective. Washington, DC: McGraw-Hill Publishers.
Stossell, John (1995). Boys and Girls are Different [Review of the video ABC News Special Report Men/Women and the Sex Difference.] New York, New York.
Bereavement Research Network (1997, March). Gender Differences, do they really exist? (Issue Brief No. ???). San Francisco, Ca: Watson,
Carol A. Gray, John Ph.D. (1992). Men Are From Mars: Women Are From Venus. New York, New York: Harper-Collins Publishers.
http://homepages.together.net/~errecart/funny_email/men_vs_w.htm http://www.oup-usa.org/docs/0195094697.html
http://www.guyrules.com/gr/gr_search.phtml
http://www.indiana.edu/~iupress/journals/index.html
http://www.babyschool.com/bmcgende.htm