24-Hour Encouragement for
Rene Hayes, a Ph. D. candidate

(Update: In December 2002, Rene Hayes became a new Ph.D. Viva Rene and the whole "village" of the voices below who contributed to this victory!)

Renee, shut up, WORK on your DISSERTATION, girl!!!

Famous people on Rene's Dissertation

George W. Bush: One who is not with dissertation is against dissertation. That's as simple as that.
 
Bill Clinton: Let me tell you something, Rene. You should focus on your dissertation as I focused on Moni... on economy. Like laser beam. It's dissertation, stupid!
 
George Bush (senior):
 
We will kick Rene's ass out of the graduate school with a finished dissertation in her hands!
Ronald Reagan: If you don't do it by next fall, the Dissertation Empire will strike you back.
 
Jimmy Carter: Dissertation is habitat for humanity. It's a moral imperative. Universal human rights start with dissertation.
 
John F. Kennedy: Ask not what your dissertation can do for you but what you can do for your dissertation.
 
Michail Sergeevich Gorbachev:
 
Perestroika, glastnost, dissertation. I can't ask for more.
Nikita
Sergeevich Khrustchev:
 
Goals are set, tasks are clarified -- go to work on your dissertation, comrade Rene!
Josef Stalin: If there is a person without dissertation then there is a problem; if there is no person then there is no problem.
 
Vladimir  Il'ich  Lenin:
 
Communism is the Soviet rule in the entire world plus Rene's dissertation! Comrades, I strongly believe that victory of disseration is possible in each and every one graduate student. Graduate students of all countries, become united in your just struggle for finishing your dissertations! Mother Rene, please lead this struggle so I can say one day, "The dissertation, which all bolsheviks desperately dreamed about for so long, is finally accomplished!" Rene's dissertation will open the way to Communism for all progressive humankind.
 
Karl Marx: Like freedom, dissertation is a recognized necessity.
 
Che Guevara Dissertation or death!
 
Frederick Engels: Dissertation transformed an ape into a human being.
 
Martin Luther King, Jr.:
 
I  have a dream, Rene, that one day you will get your Ph.D.
Buddha:
 
To finish your disseration is not to think of finsihing your dissertation. Turn your back on the dissertation and you will see your dissertation.
 
Jean Piaget
 
Rene, if you change the author of your disseration, will it be the same?
 
Jesus Christ: I am your dissertation! Let me in your heart and dissertation words will pour out of your fingers into the laptop together with tears of joy.
 
Shuaib Meacham Everybody is a disseration machine. They just have not had a chance to find it out.
 
William Shakespeare:
 
To be a Ph.D. or not to be a Ph.D. -- it is not the question! Rene, have you prayed before going to sleep tonight about your dissertation?
 
Osama
Bin Laden:
 
If writing a disseration is called terrorism, this is a great honor for me. No dissertation, no peace!
 
Joseph Smith We will cross the Embarras river and encamp on a small branch of the same about one mile west. In pitching my tent we will find three copies of Renee's dissertation on golden plates...
 
Yoda Adventure, heh, excitement, heh, dissertation, heh, a Jedi craves not these things. Talking about academia, Rene, if once you start down the dark path, forever dominate your destiny, it will. Dissertation... anger...fear...aggression. The dark side of the Force are they.
 
Caudillo Francisco Franco Bahamonte
 
Tesis UNA! Tesis GRANDE! Tesis UNIDA! Arriba Tesis!
Dr. Evil: I have one simple request: Rene with freaking "dissertation" attached to her head...
 
A quality control person
 
"Dissertation"?! What the hell you are talking about?
Paulo Freire Reading and writing the dissertation to read and write the dissertation... Attention, you are leaving the world of the oppressed. To join the army of oppresors you must allow your dissertation to thing you...
 
Zigmund Freud Rene, why are you so angry? (Because she has dissertation envy on the top of her penis envy...)
 
Mother Theresa To make you life meaningful you need to plant a tree, to raise a child, and to write a dissertation.
 
Dr. Spock ....it is true that infrequent dissertating in graduate students  often leads to serious health problems and other undesired consequences. However, I strongly argue against forced dissertation "training" advocating by some scholars. After writings by Dr. Freud, it becomes crystal clear that the key for stable and rich dissertating in graduate students is in support of their spontaneity and free play. Thus, we should change our attitude to statements like "dissertation happens." Granted, it is a messy process and can be inconvienient for some advisers but the answer to that is a supportive smile rather than scolding...
 
Martin Heidegger
 
Any tool can be a dissertation...
John Lenon Rene, give your dissertation a chance...
 
Soviet
bureaucrat:
Without dissertation, you are a piece of shit -- with dissertation, you are a respected human being.
 
E.D. Hirsch Rene, disseration is your cultural capital.
 
Adolf Hitler Jr. Great liars are also great Ph.Ds. The only people I have been able to use are those who have Ph.D. The Ph. Doctors is not warlike nation. It is a soldierly one, which means it does not want a war but does not fear it. It loves peace but it also loves its humor and freedom.
 
N. Bonaparte Men with Ph.D. are meteors, intended to burn to light their century.
 
Delaware Dissertation Standards v. 6.76 (2003, revised and approved) 8.1 The Ph.D. student will follow exactly what his advisor said in his dissertation.

8.2 The Ph.D. student will limit his dissertation to 679.3 pages long.

8.3 The Ph.D. student will use APA style in his dissertation.

8.4 The Ph.D. student will cite his committee members no less than 98 times (each) in his dissertation.

8.5 The Ph.D. student will use the Standard Disseration Language in his dissertation.

8.6 The Ph.D. student will use the Standard Mainstream Paradigm as his guiding framework in his dissertation.

8.7 The Ph.D. student will find the Standard Generalazable Findings in his dissertation.

8.8 The Ph.D. student will use the Standard Procedures and Methods in his dissertation.

8.9 The Ph.D. student will employ the Standard Subjects for his research (i.e., white middle-class middle-aged American men known to the Science as MM&M or normal mankind) in his dissertation.

8.10 The Ph.D. student will use the Standard Random Sample (known otherwise as SRS) in his dissertation.

8.11 The Ph.D. student will discuss the Standard Theories listed in the Delaware Manual of Scientific Theories (DMST VI-R) in his dissertation.

8.12 The Ph.D. student will set the validation of the Delaware Research Standards as the purpose of the student's research in his dissertation.

8.13 The Ph.D. student will make his dissertation manuscript Standardly-Scientifically Incomprehensible, Intellectually Robust, and Objectivily Standard.

8.14 The Ph.D. student will cover All Standard Core Disseration Basics (ASCDB-IIs) in his dissertation.

8.15 Upon complition of the Standards above, the Ph.D. student's dissertation will be evaluated/failed on the Standard Normal-Distribution (but not -Production) Bell Curve to ensure the highest possible quality of the Ph.D. material.
 

Pope John Paul II It is always Professor who sends. But whom does He send? You, young people, are the ones He looks upon with love. Professor, who says: "Follow me," wants you to live your lives with a sense of vocation (3 months per year plus a winter semester).
 
A principal of Newark, DE school Good morning, Rene.

Or not...

It's your choice!
 

Princess Diana Yes, Professors do touch. I believe that everyone needs that... I've always thought that people need to feel good about themselves... It's vital that the academia keeps in touch with the people. Yes, Professors do touch. It's what I also try and do...
 
Dissertation fairytale Graduate student Rabbit wrote her dissertation titled "Rabit is the strongest animal in the jungle." After her presentation on her defense, she politely asked the committee if they have a question. Dr. Fox raised her paw, "You have very weak sample size and I disagree that with your main thesis. I'm stronger than you!" Rabbit replied, "Thanks a lot for your constructive criticism. I'll address the issue of sample size in my next draft. However, I still think that my thesis is still correct. To prove it let's go to that cave." Dr. Fox went with Rabbit to the cave licking her lips in anticipation of delicious dinner. However, the animals heard unnatural noise from the cave and saw fure coming out the cave.

Ph.D. candidate Rabbit appeared from the cave with the corpse of Dr. Fox. She respectfully asked the committee if they have more questions. Dr. Wolf said, "Rabbit, I never believed in you. 'Rabbit is the strongest animal in the jungle?!' What the hell you are talking about, girl?! Your organization of the paper sucks! You never even cited me! And I disagree with your main thesis!" Rabbit replied, "Dr. Wolf, thanks for your constructive criticism. I definately will work more on organization of my paper and read more your brilliant work relevant to my thesis. But I still think that my main thesis is correct. To prove it I would like to invite you to this cave, if you do not mind, please." Dr. Wolf looked at Rabbit with unfriendly expectations and went with her to the cave. However, the animals heard unnatural noise from the cave and saw fure coming out the cave.

Ph.D. candidate Rabbit appeared from the cave with the corpse of Dr. Wolf. She respectfully asked the committee if they have more questions. Dr. Bear yelled, "Hey, you, young woman! What do you think about yourself?! You research does not hqave any ecological validity which undermines your statement. Ha-ha-ha..." Rabbit replied, "Dr. Bear, thanks for your constructive criticism. I .will work more to address this important issue of ecological validity in my future draft. But I still think that my main thesis is correct. Would you mind to go to the cave so I can prove my thesis, please?" Dr. Bear followed Rabbit to the cave to teach her a lesson. However, the animals heard unnatural noise from the cave and saw fure coming out the cave.

Ph.D. candidate Rabbit appeared from the cave with the corpse of Dr. Bear. She respectfully asked the committee if they have more questions in her soft voice. The animals were silent. Nobody wanted to go to the cave with Rabbit. Suddenly the animals heard a terrible roar from the cave and Professor Lion appeared from the cave. He roared, "Congratulation, my former gradaute student -- now Doctor of Philosophy Honorable Ms. Rabbit, with brilliant defense of your powerful dissertation! This is a great contribution to the field!" The animals applauded...

The moral of the story:
It does not matter what is the main thesis of your disseration is, or whether you have the right sample size, or whether organization of the paper is good, or whether your study has ecological validity . What is important is who is your advisor....
Rrrr!....
(Professor Eugene Matusov, Renee's advisor)
 

Nekrasov (Russian poet): It's OK for you not to be a poet but it's not OK to be without Ph.D.
 
Weight Watchers Doing dissertation......    45Kcal per serving

Faking dissertation..... 690Kcal per serving
 

Nikolai Ostrovskii (Communist writer):
 
Rene, you must write your dissertation in such a way that you won't be ashamed for your purposelessly wasted years in the graduate school later on.
 
Eugene Matusov, Ph.D. (Rene's advisor):
 
Rene, stop reading this BS, shut up, work on your dissertation, girl!!!

Visit Guest book to add your wisdom and encouragement for Rene.

Your name:

Encouragement for Renee (to separate lines put two Enter):


Name: Ana Marjanovic Shane
Date: Friday, 02 November 2001
Time: 05:25:59 PM -0800

Message:

Renee, you simply cannot resist to work on your dissertation. Every morning your first thought as you look in the mirror is: "I need to work on my disseration! I want to work on my dissertation!"
 
 Everybody is telling you that you need to do something more productive and keep the family but, no, all you want to do is your dissertation...
 
 (magicking)

Love

Ana

*** You will see that magicking really works if you read it to yourself at least once a day aloud.


Name: jiminy cricket
Date: Friday, 02 November 2001
Time: 05:26:29 PM -0800

Message:

you better do it you better you better do it you better you better do it
 you better do it you better do it you better do it you better do it you better or else just do it OR ELSE you better do it JUST DO IT you better or else you better or


Name: Lev Matusov
Date: Friday, 02 November 2001
Time: 07:05:25 PM -0800

Message

Renee, you have to know that Person without dissertation, like a horseman without head


Name: A.N. Leont'ev
Date: Friday, 02 November 2001
Time: 11:28:31 PM -0800

Message

Hi Renee,

Mark insightfully informed me-- he told me he finds your motives "rather interesting"-- that it's possible that the motive for working on your dissertation may be secondary to other leading cultural-historical motives. Interestingly, it may very well be that commodified aspects of the capitalist economic life-realities may be playing into your activity. If this is the case, the work activity may be restricted by an "ideology of laziness." I suggest that you listen to the words on this website at least 4 times daily to break such commodified habits.

Sincerely, A.N. Leont'ev


Name: Virginia Wolf-Candela
Date: Sunday, 04 November 2001
Time: 09:13:00 AM -0800

Message

The most important thing is to finish your dissertation now to become an independent WOMAN so that you can help other WOMEN finishing theirs!!! DO NOT FORGET TO BE HAPPY!!!!! :-) Un abrazo!


Name: Leda Echevers
Date: Thursday, 08 November 2001
Time: 07:30:21 PM -0800

Message

Meet the BITTEREST person in the world (according to Matt Groening)

-- The Grad School Drop Out

1. Spent N years living wretchedly;

2. plowed through thousands of tedious books and/or papers;

3. worked late into the night;

4. repressed all anger;

5. had a series of low-paying degrading jobs;

6. finally gave up after being unable to finish thesis;

7. currently unable to enjoy anything ...

And I would add, hopefully not having to say "would you like fries with that?" for a living.

Woman, I just have one thing to tell you: Just do whatever you need to do to finish that %@#$*! dissertation.

Of course you can interpret this in one of two ways:

1) get your butt moving and go write, or

2) defend your right to mediocrity and do the minimum possible to get it done.

Remember that there are only two types of dissertations: perfect and done. You pick.

Big hug. You can do it. And you can do it quick.


Name: Cris
Date: Wednesday, 14 November 2001
Time: 03:18:14 PM -0800

Message

It will be my life's work to deepen the discontent in every woman's heart about her dissertation until she bows down to it no longer. Lucy Stone, 19th c Amer. feminist

One is not born a dissertating woman, one is made. Simone de Beauvoir

Just do your dissertation! (original slogan for Nike, declined because too narrow)


Name: Michele Kreisman, Ph.D.
Date: Sunday, 09 December 2001
Time: 12:28:55 PM -0800

Message

Renee, finish your dissertation so that you may join our club of the insane.


Name: Buddha
Date: Thursday, 13 December 2001
Time: 04:54:30 PM -0800

Message

Renee,

I neglected to inform you about something that will lead you toward enlightenment in finishing your dissertation. Kill your dissertation! Kill the Buddha! (Well, maybe do the dissertation first, and then we'll reassess).

The Buddha


Name: Lindy Smith (Mark's Dad)
Date: Thursday, 21 March 2002
Time: 05:23:11 PM -0800

Message

Just Do It!

--(I'm now a Nike executive).


Name: Professor Lion
Date: Friday, 09 January 2004
Time: 12:48:07 PM -0500

Message

Congratulation, my former gradaute student -- now Doctor of Philosophy Honorable Ms. Renee (now Dr. Renee), with brilliant defense of your powerful dissertation! This is a great contribution to the field!

December 2002.


This message is kindly brought to you by your Caring and Supportive advisor,

Professor and Dr. Eugene Matusov 2001


Rene visited this encouraging page Hit Counter times since November 1st, 2001.